Your friend keeps making plans with you and then canceling last minute — this is the fourth time in two months. You've rearranged your schedule each time, and you're starting to feel like they don't value your time.
Have an honest conversation — tell them how the cancellations make you feel and ask if something deeper is going on.
Dr. Marisa Franco's friendship research shows that 'assuming the best' about friends' intentions, while still naming the impact, leads to stronger and more resilient friendships.
"Hey, I want to bring up something gently. Our last few plans have fallen through, and I'm starting to feel a little hurt. I also want to make sure you're okay — is anything going on? I'd rather know."
Every choice tells you something about your style. Here's an honest read on each.
Stop initiating plans and wait for them to make the effort.
Friendships require mutual investment. If one person consistently shows up and the other consistently cancels, the imbalance erodes the foundation. But addressing it gives the friendship a chance to rebalance.
Have an honest conversation — tell them how the cancellations make you feel and ask if something deeper is going on.
Dr. Marisa Franco's friendship research shows that 'assuming the best' about friends' intentions, while still naming the impact, leads to stronger and more resilient friendships.
Start canceling on them too — see how they like it.
Indirect communication (acting out feelings instead of expressing them) keeps both people guessing. Direct communication gives the relationship clarity and a chance to grow.
Accept this is just who they are and stop taking it personally.
Accepting someone's limitations while finding creative workarounds is a sign of emotional maturity. The key is that acceptance should feel freeing, not like resignation.
Want to practice this with feedback for your exact answer?
Open in interactive mode →The content on this page is supportive guidance inspired by published research. It is not a substitute for licensed professional therapy. If you are in crisis, please call 988 or visit our crisis resources.